Ok, that's a lie. I haven't created any cult-classic films that are hallmarks of a generation, nor have I been through the shit-storm that is being friends with a junkie. And I don't have a hot wife or a mansion or a cute little kid. I'm not friends with any movie stars. I'm not culturally significant. But one thing this blog has going for it that the Boring-ass Life doesn't is that I don't tell you every single time I take a dump. I don't feel you need to know the intricate details of my bowel movements, somehow, nor do I particularly want to be well-versed in the same in regards to Mr Smith. No matter how rad I think he is.
Guitardbot got back from his tour yesterday. I'd like to hang out with him but I don't actually want to suggest it. I never should have read that damn book, "The Rules". The only reason I'm a "creature unlike any other" is that I can burp the alphabet and floss between my nose and mouth with a folding balloon.
Summer classes start tomorrow. I'm taking an introductory speech class and for the first assignment, I need to write about someone who inspires me. This sort of claptrap generally makes me want to stab myself in the face with a take-out spork, but I think I could have a little fun with it. Here are some ideas I've had so far.
1. The Donner Party. I think their heroic actions capture the American spirit of perserverance.Way to manifest destiny, dudes.
2. Dan Savage. Let's talk about sex, baby. In disgusting, squishy, over-share-y detail and make all the squares cringe. And let's do it on NPR. Oh, and also, let's help gay teenagers not kill themselves due to being hassled by fucktards.
3. Legs. How many paraplegic contortionist circus / burlesque stars do you know? None. None many.
4. Mabel Stark. Bitch was married five times and wrestled tigers for a living. What's not to respect? Also, she wound up topping herself, just to make sure she was in charge of it all right 'til the end.
5. The homeless guy at the Division Red Line stop. For someone with a terrifyingly deformed leg, he sure is chipper. Plus I bet he knows at least four different ways to kill someone with an empty fo'ty.
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