I think I might be in the process of actually making a decision. A not-questionable decision. A not-falling-into-it, actually-making-it-happen decision. I can't tell for sure, but maybe I'm actually taking charge of something for once.
I know. I'm as mystified as you are.
I don't want to spend three years studying to become a teacher when I don't even know if I want to be a teacher. I don't want to spend three years and a lot of money qualifying for something that you really have to love and be committed to if you're going to be any good at it. I don't want to make this decision without a little more background information. I don't want to start on such a shaky foundation without considering all my other options.
So I'm going to take five months and weigh up my options. I guess it'll really be more like three months, but that's two more months than I've had in the last three years to think about anything. Three months with no school, to figure out what I want to do next. I didn't look at anything, really, when I was thinking about schools before. I didn't visit any campuses, I didn't sit in on any classes. I didn't look into scholarships or programs or what credits transferred. I flew blind, for the most part. It's really fucking hard to commit yourself to figuring out the best possible academic and future career plan for yourself when you're taking a full course load and working three jobs. When you get thrown in at the deep end, with no American high school diploma, no citizenship, no SAT score, and not even a vague memory of what a guidance counselor might have said once upon a time back in the day, it's even harder. I'm not throwing up my hands and saying, poor little me, it's all too hard, I can't cope, I'm dropping out, wah wah wahhhh... I worried that if I took some time off, that's how I'd feel. I'd be one of those waffling twenty-somethings who wastes their time and potential and pisses everyone off by never committing to anything. I'm going to finish my bachelor's degree sooner or later. I'm graduating with my associate's in a month. Between August and October (the deadline for applying for Spring classes), I am not going to sit on my ass and eat bonbons and cry about my life...well, I might do that once in a while, but mostly, I'm going to use this time to figure out what to do next.
This is my plan. I have a plan. I am a person who never has a plan, and now I have one. A plan to make a plan. Knowledge of the things I'll need or where to get them. Time set aside to make this plan. Hah...I guess that whole plan, means, time set thing doesn't just apply to wanting to kill yourself. You're more likely to actually do something if you've actually got it all mapped out.
Check back with me in a month, invisible readers. If I've actually got this shit done, you'd better send me a singing card and one of those edible bouquets, or I'm going to be pissed.
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