Hey, hey, hey! You really have to say that in the Fat Albert voice for it to be funny. Please to comply, or run the risk of failing to appreciate my hilarity.
So what's up, non-existent readers? What's new? How y'all BEEN? I have been absent because...because fuck you, that's why. I've been in places that are not this blog for the last...three months? I don't know. However the hell long it's been, I'm here now, so let's all celebrate by going out for frosty chocolate milkshakes.
I took the fall semester off from school because I hated everything and everyone and I had a crisis of confidence and also I really, REALLY didn't want to fill out any more forms. Did you know that a lot of higher education involves filling out paperwork? Because it totally does. So now I am in an idle, sinful state of sloth, only working three different jobs and taking on one or two new exciting projects. Whatever will become of me?
There are ever so many new things to share, but because I made the executive decision to have vodka and diet Dr Pepper for dinner, I am in no mood to concisely sum up the activities of the recent past in an orderly fashion. Instead, I will tell you some things about me, sequenced according to however the hell they may choose to fall into my brain.
Thing the 1st: I am allergic to penicillin.
We found this out when I was 15 and had glandular fever. That's mono, to all you Yankee types. They gave me antibiotics to make my neck un-puff, which resulted in my feet (along with various other body parts) swelling up and itching like a motherfucker. I have an unpleasantly clear memory of kicking the walls in a vain attempt to make said itching stop. Cher maman took a look at my inflamed, glowing extremities and noted that her sister (Aunty Beth, who is rad...I will write a whole post about her sometime) had the same reaction to penicillin...right before her throat swelled up and prevented her from being able to breathe. So off we toddled to the nearby hospital, where they gave me a particularly painful injection in the derriere (heh...insert anal sex joke here...heh...insert...heh...), whereby the itching ceased, the swelling went down, and my mother started hassling me to get one of those medic alert bracelet things. Flash forward thirteen years...still no bracelet. Fuck that noise. Maybe I'll just get "allergic to penicillin" tattooed on my ass?
Thing the 2nd:
I will never not love wearing Converse all-stars. Also combat boots.
Thing the 3rd:
I just read True Grit. That shit was fucking rad. Mattie is right up there with Scout, Lizzie Bennett, Katniss, and Anne Shirley as one of my all-time favorite strong female protagonists. Of all time.
Thing the 4th:
I am not good at running. My body does not like to run. Events of the previous week have made this abundantly clear. I will not be put off, however. I'm going to see a running coach (yeah, that's a thing. I didn't know about it either, so don't feel too out of the loop) and get my gait analysed (gait is an awesome word. Just saying) and figure out how to run so it doesn't fuck my shit up. And then I will run All The 5k's! Also the half marathon! And then you will hail me as your cardiovascular god!
...but right now, I'm fucking hungry. Time for a veggie scramble, suckers.
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