There was green food coloring in the drinks and people playing go despite hefty language barriers. We danced badly and sang along loudly to Lily Allen songs. No one threw up, but someone broke the lounge chair downstairs, probably doing something scandalous. Anglais borrowed one of my shirts and we almost had a million dollar makeover moment, complete with a Bangles soundtracked montage...but I think it'll be awhile before her self-esteem is healthy enough for her to feel comfortable wearing one of my trashy, besparkled hussy outfits. Tink (my new roommate) loudly and frequently proclaimed her joy at now living with two happily brazen tarts like Dys and myself. I guess the people she used to live with weren't as open-minded, or some such silly thing.
Not me, though. Apparently I'm both open-minded and open-legged. I invited both Scuzz and Burn-out (whose knee surgery went very well, in case you were wondering. He is no longer bombed out on Vicodin, and his cane has been exchanged for a far less fetching knee brace), assuming that one or both of them would bail at the last minute. Not so. Burn-out showed up when I was more than a little plastered, and because I am a terrible host and was more preoccupied with making the perfect party playlist than taking care of him, he spent much of the evening chatting to Keiko, the nice Japanese exchange student. I actually found out he texted her last week, bless him. I think he has a thing for girls with accents...but I hope he isn't as mean to her in bed as he was with me. She's a sweet little thing and I think she might get a bit scared. Then again, you never can tell.
Anyway, all my cruel neglect didn't stop Burn-out from getting comfortable in my bed and removing his trousers later on in the evening. Unfortunately, just as I reached critical drunken mass and collapsed facedown in my bed alongside him, fully prepared to pass out and ignore any sexual overtures, Scuzz made an entrance with quite the curious look on his face. Uh oh. All of this is remembered through a thick alcoholic haze, so the exact conversational details are kind of haphazard, but I think it went something like this.
Scuzz: What's going on?
Me: (face smooshed into pillow) I dunno. M'tired.
Burn-out: What do you think, man?
Scuzz: Who's this guy? Are you ok?
Me: Myep. M'tired.
Scuzz: ...
Burn-out: ...
Me: Oh! Scuzz, this is Burn-out. He's a fireman. Burn-out, this is my friend Scuzz. I used to teach him stuff.
Scuzz: Am I...can I still stay over?
Me: Myep.
Burn-out: I think it's time for you to leave, bud.
Scuzz: Listen man, I don't know who the hell you are, but I'm Iphy's friend, and I was invited to be here.
Burn-out: *angry face*
Me: Guys. C'mon. This is dumb. I'm tired. C'mere. *gesturing at Scuzz to lay down next to me, which he did* We can totally figure this out, yo. This is a thing that can work.
I don't remember what was said after that, but the following sequence of events began with me kissing Scuzz, then leaning over and kissing Burn-out, and pretty much continued in that vein. Hello, my first ever devil's threesome.
No one can say I don't have spectacular problem-solving skills.
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