My Totally Rad Poem About That One Time I Had To Take the SAT

On a Saturday morning, chilly and grey
I got up all early, 'cuz today was the day
I munched on some oatmeal, then Ten Hut and me
We zoomed off down Lake Shore to the ol' U of C

I rocked my black t-shirt with just that one word:
"Cash", and the picture of Johnny, flipping the bird
It was my own little way of vaguely protesting
the utter stupidity of standardized testing

After a solid month straight of brain-numbing revision
of probability, algebra, graphs, and division
It was SAT D-day, and I was prepared
to take that shit on with my teeth and wits bared

I had number two pencils, numbering six
one eraser, one sharpener, and an interesting mix
of grit, irritation and fear all bouncing around
just in case the right answers couldn't be found

With a gaggle of high-schoolers, pimply and small
I spent four hours trapped in a cramped lecture hall
Devoid of windows but with comfortable seats
Spaced waaaay far apart to discourage the cheats

I burned through the writing and critical reading
though those passages on politics left my brain bleeding
The math wasn't perfect, but I tried my best
Did the ones that I knew and left blank the rest

A test such as this one sums up your knowledge
and decides if you can go to the fancy-pants college
I can't rightly describe a superior system
But I bet, a lot of smart kids, this crap totally missed 'em

At one forty-five, I closed up my exam
Stretched my neck, cracked my back, and with a mumbled "goddam..."
Got the fuck out of dodge and got on with my life
boozing up at the Derby and looking for strife.